6 posts tagged “funny”

A man took his wife to the show and one of their first stops was
the breeding bull exhibit. They went up to the first pen and there was
a  sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "See . He
mated 50 times last year  ... once-a-week."

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
"This bull mated 120 times last year."
The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's
more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in
capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year."

The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs,
said, that's once-a-DAY. You could REALLY learn something from this
one."

The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with
the same  bloody  cow."

NOTE:   The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to
stable and the doctors say after months of rehab and a couple more operations
he will be ok.

(Thanks to Jones for that one)

While she was "flying" down the road (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"To which she replied, "I'm late for work."Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.The cop stammered, "A what?A rectum stretcher.And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."Ticket --------------==-------$95.00Court Costs -------==-----$45.00Look on cop's face ------Priceless
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At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."